sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
