There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
