After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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