I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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