My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
