CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize