there's paper in my vomit.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
