i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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