dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
it's like heaven, but drunker
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
