I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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