So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
