i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
