Someone shit on the floor
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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