oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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