YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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