i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
