I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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