Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
