I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
