I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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