why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
