and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
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