No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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