Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
