so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
