Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
