dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Ketchup is God's man juice
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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