when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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