dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
