A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
