my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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