Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Randomize
