i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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