my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My dick has a subreddit
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I love you.
Bad choice
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
