You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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