Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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