Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(720): View more from Colorado

I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week

(1-202): View more from Washington, DC

stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant

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(630): View more from Illinois

$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.

(630): View more from Illinois

does taste better than andre tho

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(678): View more from Georgia

This is the weirdest negotiation ever.

(814): View more from Pennsylvania

This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"

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(847): View more from Illinois

Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.

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(845): View more from New York

i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask

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(989): View more from Michigan

8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.

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(+61): View more from Australia

He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.

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