I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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