so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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