I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
