I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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