another moral hangover. fuck.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
