Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize