Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
