I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
