so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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