Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
