One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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