Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
