Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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