It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I think my moral compass just broke
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize