Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
