I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
