WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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