But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
