Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
