So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
