That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
