So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
