the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
