Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
