: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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