went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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