Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize