I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I need moral support for this bender
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
